The first year Laura wasn’t at home for Christmas was very strange.  For 17 years we had had Christmas all together and I couldn’t help feeling we were ‘incomplete’ as a family that year.  I felt as most mothers do at this time of year; I wanted to have my children and family around me during the holidays, to enjoy each others company and spend time together.

Laura’s first Christmas away was when she was at residential college at Coleg Elidyr in Wales.  The effort and organisation they put in to the celebrations was immense; a candle lit procession down to the farm, parties, singing carols to the animals, a traditional Christmas meal and much much more.

I had to get my head around the fact that she was really enjoying all the celebrations and wanted to be there, with her friends, with her teachers and doing things that I couldn’t possibly have laid on for her at home.  I had to accept that it was about what she wanted to do, not about what I wanted, not what my family wanted, but what she wanted to do.  Once I had accepted this, I had a big realisation that this was a feeling I was going to have to relive over and over again throughout her adult life.

Admittedly Christmas had always been a fairly grueling time; Laura requires a lot of one on one attention and it’s just not easy to do this when there are many people about.  It’s tiring and it didn’t make it a particularly enjoyable time for me, but most importantly, not for Laura either.

Laura now has two Christmases; she comes home for a week in early December, which marks the start of her month of celebrations, and then she has Christmas in her home, The Old Vicarage, on the actual day itself.  When she comes home to us, I can give her real quality time, we go Christmas shopping, we have a family get together and Laura is the centre of attention.  At The Old Vic on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, Laura is again centre of attention – our staff are amazing at Christmas time, popping in to say hello even if they are not officially working, cooking traditional meals, organising parties and outings.

When I meet parents I always say to them, “you need to remember, however difficult, that when your child becomes and adult, it’s not about you any more.  It’s about what’s best for them, what they want to do.  And that has to be first and foremost at every time in our lives.”

It is probably the biggest realisation and acceptance that a mother has to go through, and it isn’t easy.  Whilst I would like nothing more than Laura to ring and say “I’ve changed my mind, Mummy, I’d like to come home this year” I know that I have to still think of what’s best for her, what she wants.  I’ll know that she is having the time of her life and we’ve had our special Christmas with her already.

Best wishes to everyone for a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Ann de Savary